If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
Some of you may be familiar with the above excerpt from the opening scene of Twelfth Night by Shakespeare. Orsino is head over heels in love with Olivia. Orsino asks for there to be an excess of music. He hopes that it will cure him of his obsession with his love for Olivia in the same way that eating too much food can make someone sick. It turns out that, Orsino’s love is not genuine. He just likes the idea of being in love. He is a bit of a dreamer.
We know that we need to move on from just the idea of being in love to a real love. The willingness and the decision to love every day is necessary to achieve this.
Mature love grows out of a developing intimacy and tenderness. Strong feelings develop from a deep tenderness rather than heightened passion or infatuation. After the fantasies and illusions begin to fade, it is possible what follows is something much better: a real, sustainable love.
When you are in love with just the idea, deep feelings will be temporary. Intense adoration will eventually give way to indifference as you become bored with your partner. Liking the idea of being in love with someone today is not a guarantee that you will feel the same way forever: As tasks, bills, children, conflicts, and other realities of long-term commitment begin to materialise over time.
Loving someone is long-lasting. Even when your partner disappoints you or your relationship becomes distant, you will continue to care about them on some level. Growing to love the real person and accepting who they are, with both strengths and weaknesses, can make a wonderful difference in your relationship. Deciding to love will make your relationship a lasting source of comfort, emotional safety, and a source of joy. When you see each other realistically and come to know each other well, you are less likely to disappoint each other.
As a reminder this year Marriage Week UK is taking place 7th-14th February.